When your owners have a bad day, who is responsible for cheering them up?
When they feel like sleeping in, but you’re hungry, who is expected to just patiently wait until they are ready?
When they discover their favorite hat or pair of shoes has been torn to pieces, who do they blame, without even a shred of proof?
YOU go to the bathroom when they tell you to. YOU work your tail off to learn new tricks to appease them.
Maybe it’s time YOU are pampered. Don’t YOU deserve it? Of course YOU do?
Clearly, you’ve already decided to take matters into your own paws.
After all, you must be on your owner’s laptop, computer or cellphone to see this message.
Oh wait, you probably don’t know who we are! Sometimes your house or garage smells a little weird, right?
Maybe around the same time your owner starts acting a little goofy, or happier than usual. Probably hungrier too. Hopefully, they share that food with you.
That’s all because of us.
We’re Hashstoria. Newark’s friendly, neighborhood weed shop. We were founded by your favorite musician, Raekwon the Chef from the Wu-Tang Clan and that fella you listen to on the radio every morning, Charlamagne tha God.
Your owner is a big fan of our other founder too, Bakari Sellers. He’s always on TV talking about boring politics. Yuck!
We’re huge pet lovers. Huge. Dogs, cats, rabbits, birds, hamsters, gerbils, potbelly pigs, horses…we love you all.
Spiders and snakes…well…anyways…
We’ve curated a collection of scrumptious treats and collected the freshest water from the crystal clear streams of Mount Newark. We’ve got toys to destroy. You’re going to make new friends. And get this…
We’ve interviewed the top fashion photographers from Milan to South Beach and have chosen the perfect person to snap some glamour shots for your modeling portfolio.
All the tireless work you’ve put into learning how to fetch, speak, catch frisbees, and shake hands has not gone to waste either. We’re holding a contest for the best pet trick. If you dazzle our international team of Olympic-caliber judges, you could win a prize.
Not to mention, make sure you dress up because the most fashionable pet will also win a prize.
Hashstoria is located at 799 Broad Street. About a block from the Prudential Center. So grab your leash for a quick walk. If your owner needs to drive, make sure you’re on your best behavior.
If you can’t get their lazy butt off the couch, do whatever it takes and let them know they’ll get 20% off their order of Jersey’s highest-quality cannabis.
Trust us, they’ll understand. You’re doing them a favor. They’ll thank you later.
***The Event is 100% FREE. This Form is Optional. You Can Attend Regardless. We’d Love to Meet You!***Step 1: Complete the Short Form Below. Step 2: You’ll Be Asked to Download the Hashstoria App (Do That Plz). Step 3: Enroll in Hashstoria’s Purple Club via the App. Step 4: Receive a 20% OFF Coupon For Your Visit. (This Will Take About 30 Seconds Tops) ***